Lack of confidence and low self-esteem are not the end of the world
All of us want to be successful, and since you’re on Team Stay Motivated, I’m sure you want a special kind of success for yourself. There are two common issues that can block our path to success: lack of confidence and low self-esteem. These problems ultimately lead to a lack of full expression of our thoughts and ideas, which can be very detrimental to us in reaching our goals.
I’m going to share a bit of my story about the struggles I’ve gone through and how I overcame them.
As a child, I was high energy and very excitable. I never liked to be cooped up in the class room, I wanted to be outside doing whatever eight year olds do. I was smart, but the strong feeling of confinement in the classroom kept me from displaying my knowledge to its fullest. After numerous counts of acting out in class, my parents decided to put me in therapy. Now I know a lot of people go to therapy for a variety of reasons, but as a child, going to therapy meant there was something wrong with me, that I wasn’t normal. Nobody would listen to me when I’d say nothing was wrong with me, and when enough adults tell you that there is something wrong, you start to believe it. My self-esteem and confidence took a severe hit.
Life an eight year old was difficult for me
As an eight year old, this wasn’t a great foundation for my overall well-being. I’d throw fits before going to therapy. I clearly remember one time I locked myself in my room to avoid going to therapy and cried because I just wanted to be normal. Eventually when it came time to prescribe medication, I was given two pills, one for my “ADHD” and one for my “depression”. A child being told that they need pills to be happy really messes with them mentally.
While the pills didn’t really effect me at first, the dosages continued to increase, and by high school I was a zombie. I was numb to lots of emotions, was less happy than before, and just sat down, shut up and did my work. I didn’t have many close friends in school either and once school was over, I would go right home. My performance in the sport that I love, basketball, was significantly lowered because of my lack of confidence and aggression on the court. I was beginning to think that this was the way life would be forever.
One moment changed my life and moving forward I became a new man
I took a deep dive into a very dark place until shortly after graduation, when one life-changing video and an opportunity for a fresh start changed my thinking and resulted in me learning the lessons I’m about to share with you.
1. Realize That You Have Control
The video that I said changed my life may seem unrelated to the above lesson, but it’s not. The video was about doing what you love and getting paid for it. The underlying message of the video is that you can do anything that you want to do. I had thought that life was just going to school, going to college, and getting a job. The message of the video really empowered me and got me thinking about the limitless options I had.
Realize that you have control over your life, how you react to others, and how you feel about yourself. The only things holding you back from being 100% confident and expressive are the limiting thoughts floating around in your mind. It can be hard to break through these thoughts, but all these lessons work together, and I still have more to share. Just remember that you can beat this adversity and accomplish much more.
2. Surround Yourself With The Right People
Finding loving and supportive people to surround yourself with is critical. You want the people around you to build you up and make you feel happy, not talk behind your back. Most importantly, you are going through a transformation, a huge change for a better you.
Some people will be threatened by this and attempt to interrupt your transformation in different ways. Do not keep these people around. Be around the people that you always have a good time with and create an ecosystem of good emotions.
3. Find Out Who You Want To Be
This is a very practical step. You know that you want to be more confident, you want higher self-esteem, and you want to be happier, but there is more to that person. This exercise will help you figure out all the traits that the best you has.
You’re going to get a sheet of paper and make two columns, one with the characteristics you want and one with the characteristics you don’t want. These can include behaviors and traits you already have. After you’ve made your lists, circle the ten most desirable traits and the ten least desirable traits. Then, write a letter to your future self having all the desirable traits and being free of the undesirable ones.
Talk about what you’re doing with your life, obstacles you’ve encountered, how far you’ve come, how you feel now, how you interact with people, the people that you’re attracting, etc. Be very specific and feel the positive emotions as if you were that person. Look over the traits and letter every morning and rewrite it as you see fit. Soon you’ll see that your actions will line up with the person you want to be.
4. Look For The Behaviors That Prevent You From Becoming Your Best Self
There may be behaviors that we take part in to sabotage ourselves during our transformation. Some very common ones are procrastination, turning down great opportunities, shutting out those who love us, and engaging in addictive behavior. These are big behaviors, but they can be small too. Look for anything that doesn’t fully live up to the standards you set for yourself. Maybe your lack of willingness to floss your teeth in the morning is something holding you back from fully respecting yourself. Turn over every stone and eliminate these behaviors.
5. Be Vulnerable
I didn’t learn the importance of this one until very recently, but it’s so key. As a person with low confidence and low self-esteem, you probably have a fear of being judged when you fully express yourself. You’re afraid that if you tell people how you feel, you’ll be made fun of. I’m here to tell you that you won’t be. People appreciate honesty and can relate with most of the emotions you’re feeling and will be glad to support you.
When you become vulnerable, you can relate to people in different ways and create higher quality connections with them, expanding your positive ecosystem. It’s easy to be guarded when you’ve been hurt before, but when you lower that guard, you open yourself up to receive the biggest outpouring of love you’ve ever experienced.
6. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone
If you have low confidence, the simplest things may stir up an uneasy feeling inside of you. For example, at my low points, I was afraid to raise my hand in class, go to new places, talk to women, and much more. I started with small steps outside my comfort zone and gradually built up. Some things that you can do to start are take a cold shower, ask a stranger for the time, and go on a hike by yourself. Do things that are harmless, but scare you. If you step outside your comfort zone once a day, you will slowly begin to realize that the world is safe. You will be able to express yourself more, feel free, and be more confident.
I have come a long way from my beginnings. I have my own business, I have the right mindset, but I still struggle. This is a journey that you have to embrace it if you want to change. With the right course of action and a little consistency, you’ll make a huge impact on yourself and others. Realize that these struggles are a part of what makes life exciting and be grateful for the opportunity of growth.
Like what you just read? 🙂
Sign up for our exclusive VIP newsletter to get free world class pro tips to make a practical impact in your life starting today!